A SELFLESS LIFE

Givers climb to the top of the success ladder through the unique ways that they build networks, collaborate, communicate, influence, and help others achieve their potential.


Spotting and cultivating talent are essential skills in just about every industry; it’s difficult to overstate the value of surrounding ourselves with stars. As with networking and collaboration, when it comes to discovering the potential in others, reciprocity styles shape our approaches and effectiveness. You will succeed by recognizing potential in others.


Givers tilt reciprocity in the other direction, preferring to give more than get. Paying more attention to what other people need from them.  They use a different cost benefit analysis; to help whenever the benefits to others exceed the personal costs, or they don’t even think about the personal costs at all.


Giving gives purpose. There’s a Chinese saying that goes: ‘If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody. We should focus more on what a person can become as opposed to who they are, that will allow the person to grow. The willingness to put the good of the team above personal interests, working hard to fulfill the roles for which one is needed.


Selfless giving in the absence of self-preservation instincts easily becomes overwhelming. Being focused on others means being willing to give more than you receive, but still keeping your own interests in sight, using them as a guide for choosing when, where, how and to whom you give, when caring for others is coupled with a healthy dose of concern for the self, givers are less prone to burning out and getting burned and they’re better positioned to flourish.


Many experiments have replicated showing that teacher expectations are especially important for improving the grades and intelligence test scores of low achieving students and members of stigmatized minority groups. Teachers’ beliefs can create self-fulfilling prophecies. When teachers believe their students are smart, they set high expectations for their success. As a result, the teachers engage in more supportive behaviors that boost the students’ confidence and enhance their learning and development. Teachers will communicate more warmly to these students, give them more challenging assignments, call on them more often and provide them with more feedback.


Givers are more open to outside advice as opposed to striving to be the smartest people in the room, givers are more receptive to expertise from others even if it challenges their own beliefs.

Focus attention and energy on making a difference in the lives of others, and success might follow as a byproduct.


“We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give,” Winston Churchill